The Million Dollar Penny

By Casey Parish

Penny’s eyes first open at the Delaware mint.

Penny takes in his surroundings and finds that he is round, small and shiny… having little knowledge of anything else he is very pleased.

He took a look at himself and saw that he had symbols and had symbols and figures etched into his body. “one cent” it said.  This made him feel important, and this made him happy.

He looked around to see many others like him.  They were all checking themselves and each other.  They greeted each other and fast became friends.

Suddenly they were forced in line single-file.  They squished up together and were forced into a long paper tunnel.  It was dark for a long time and penny was afraid.

Penny asked his neighbors what was going on.  They didn’t know and so they asked their neighbors.. and they asked theirs and so on.  Nobody had any idea what was happening, or if they would ever see the light again.

They all felt shakes and jolts at times.  They began to question what they have done to deserve this in their short existence.

It had been very still for some time… and just when Penny thought that the bliss that had previously been known would never again be… he felt a harsh jolt! And a crack! And the paper tunnel split in two!

“WHOA!!!!” Penny screamed as he and all of his new friends fell into a hard black room with no ceiling! The light quickly left the room.

Penny and his friends were too scared to talk.  They just sat and listened.  They could hear voices coming from the other side of the wall.  Penny was brave and wanted to shout to the voices.. but his friends muffled his attempted and told him to “shhh!”

Penny pressed against the wall to see if he could hear what the voices were saying.. but just then he heard a “CHING!” and light filled the room!

A large monsterous shape reached into the room and pulled out three of his buddies!  They all cried in horror!

Wails and laments echoed throughout the room as darkness returned to it.  “What a horrible place this is.” Penny thought.

For hours the light would return… and sometimes the monsterous shape would take up to four of his friends at a time!  Penny did not know when he would be next.

Their numbers quickly dwindled until all that was left was Penny and two of his friends.  They all knew that they were very likely to be next.

The light came into the room again.  Penny gulped.  The large figure made a sweep and grabbed Penny only!  Before he realized what was going on he passed out.. only to awaken later in another dark place.

Penny could not see anything, but he could feel what was around him.  He felt a bit of paper and other hard metal things that appeared to be in the same shape as he!

“Is anyone there!?” he cried.

“Shhh” he heard from several directions.  “Haha, we have a green one.” One voice said.

“Who are you?” asked Penny.

“I am WHOA!!” one began to answer but was interrupted by sudden jostling that caused them all to bump into each other.

“OOF” “ACK” “EEF” “OW”

Quickly as it started it all stopped.  “As I was saying… I am Quarter, and from the looks of you.. you are fresh from the mint! Ha!”

“I suppose I am.” Penny said. “what are you?  Are you the same as me?”  Penny heard muffled laughter.

“I am not the SAME as YOU. No.” Quarter stated.  “Why, I don’t know why I am even explaining myself to you.  Just shut up and WHAHO!!”

More jostling and jolting.  Penny began to scream.   A shape, much like the one that removed him from the black room, grabbed the lot of them and suddenly Penny was blinded by the light.

After Penny’s eyes adjusted to the light he realized that he was in a large room, lying on a flat wooden surface.

His eyes were taking in the scenery when he suddenly noticed that there were shiny circular shapes like him lying around next to him.  They similar to himself… but different… they were larger.. their color was different.. and they had different images and symbols on them.

“What are you gawking at!?” One of them growled in his direction.

“What are you?”  Asked Penny.

“I’m a nickel.. five better than you buddy! HA!”

“Five better than me?”

“What?!  Were you just minted yesterday!?”

“I think that he was, Nickle.” Quarter interjected.  “See how shiney,  see the numbers… and LOOK he is from Delaware.”

“I HATE the Delaware bunch!” Nickle yelled “They think they are soo superior to us with no mint mark… Anyway, little penny, yes I am five better than you.”

“Nickle, that isn’t true… five better?  That makes no sense!” Cried Penny.

“NO!” shouted Nickel, “YOU don’t make cents!!  You just make cent! HAHA!!”

Penny had a very confused look ad Quarter, Nickel, and the large green piece of paper laughed.  His focus turned to the paper.

“What are you there?” Penny asked.

“Who do you think YOU are?” the paper replied.

Quarter and Nickel laughed.  “Bold.” Said Nickel.

“Stupid.” Said Quarter.

“Listen little bit…” The Dollar began. “… it would take YOU and 99 of your friends to give you ANY right to merely speak to me.”

Quarter and Nickel began to laugh but were interrupted by Dollar. “Shut up you guys.  Nickel.. it would take you and 19 of your friends.  Quarter… you and 3 of yours… All of you here put together here.. don’t match the value that is I.  I despise the fact that I often have to be in company of such. Especially that penny there. At best he will one day be picked up by some poor superstitious shmuck.” 

Dollar then turned around and stuck his nose up.

Quarter turned his back to Nickel and stuck his nose up.

Nickel turned his back to penny and stuck his nose up.

Penny turned to find nobody to stick his nose up at.  He felt horrible… reality struck him all at once.  The world that seemed soo beautiful the day before… was quickly growing dark.

Penny was unable to speak for several hours.  His mind went back to the mint where he was surrounded by equals who all were very pleasant to talk to.. in spite of the fact they all had very little to say.

This, once beautiful, memory had turned into an image of a congregation of the most worthless.  An assembly of the least desirable.

“Am I the most worthless…” Penny accidentally said aloud.  Nickel happened to hear this and so he rolled next to Penny.

“Penny, you are of very  little value.  So little that your existence is seen, by some, as an extreme annoyance.  However, you are NOT worthless.. and you are NOT the MOST worthless… come with me.”

Nickel took penny to the other corner of the flat wooden surface.

“Oh, what is this, aye?”  a voice yelled.  Penny discovered this voice came from something that looked very similar to himself.. but was silver.

“Take off, you hose-heads!!” it cried.

“What is that?” Asked Penny.

“This guy is worth about one half of you.. and.. understandably.. he is very bitter.” Said Nickel.

“What are you gawking at, aye? Leave me alone you…” the coin yelled.. and then let loose with a flurry of swear words and vulgarity.

Nickel and Penny hurried back to the opposite corner.  Nickel then told Penny “When you feel low about your value.. just think of that fellow there.  He is from Canada.”

For some reason, this did not make Penny feel ANY better.

Penny sighed and thanked Nickel even though he was not sure if Nickel meant well.

Penny spent several hours in silence.  Again he played the events of his short life in his mind.  He noted that they were increasingly worse and worse.  If life was going to be a series of increasingly horrible events and situations… Penny felt he didn’t want any part of it.  But, there was a small amount of hope… He recalled the joy he felt when he was with his own kind.. when everyone was equal.   His new aim was to return to such an existence.

Just as he developed a new determination he was swept up with nickel and quarter and placed into the dark place where he bumped into the other repeatedly.

“oof!”  “ack!”  “ow!”

After several minutes of violent movement it all stopped and he felt himself being pushed into the light.  He suddenly noticed the darkness was gone and that he was falling.

As soon as he could think, “Oh my, I am falling!” he hit the concrete and bounced several times.

“oof!  OUUCH!!  EEF!!”

He looked up and noticed that a strange figure had quarter and nickel between claw-like extremities and they were placed into a small slot.

He heard them yell as they fell to who knows where.

Penny found himself surrounded by the strange figures that seemed to bare a few similarities with the image that he had on himself.

He would watch as they walked by… noticing that some would seem to take notice of him… and then walk away.

A few minutes later a figure came and put a nickel and a quarter in the slot.  They then reached in and pulled something out and walked away.  This happened very frequently.

One figure dropped several coins.  A quarter and a penny fell very close to Penny.

“Oops!”  Said the quarter.  “Oh well, I know I won’t be lying here long… but I feel sorry for you… oh and you too.. hi!”

“You are right.” Said the penny that had fell.  “I could be here for another 25 years.  Oh well.. it could be worse.”

“25 years?!” Penny asked.  Penny noticed that the coin looked as if it could have been underground for 40 years but he kept that to himself.

“Yes.”  Said the penny that had fell. “I once spent 10 years in the middle of a parking lot.  11 years in the gutter of an elementary school and 8 years buried underneath the bleachers at a football field.. oh I witnessed many incredible things.”

“Why on earth did…”  Penny was interrupted by a figure bending over to pick up the quarter.

“HEY!” shouted Penny. “Why didn’t he pick us up!?”

“We aren’t worth the effort.  Not worth bending over for.  We are more of an annoyance than anything else.  I have found that even if people are searching for coins they will disregard our type.”

“People?”

“Those large ugly things that move us about.  They seem to care a lot for the silver-colored and the paper… but we… they are only concerned with us if there are enough of us to equal some of the silver or paper.  They then exchange us for them.  I have been exchanged in a rather large mass six different times.”

“A large mass of us!?”

“Yes, and I hope that I never am in a mass again!”

“What!?  Why not?”

“As much as I hate to say it.. we are a miserable.  Any dream we have of being of any real value is all in vain.  One might be naïve enough to believe that if they are amongst those who have such in common might be good somehow.  However, it is just incredibly depressing.  No matter how shiny you are… you are still just a penny.”

Just then Penny noticed how some of his shininess had faded.

“This is a horrible existence and I don’t want it!”  Penny cried.

“Well it is what you are. You can’t change that.  You are worthless.. as am I.”

“NO!!!”

Penny got up on one side and began to roll.

“YOU CANT DO THAT!”  shouted the penny that had fallen… but Penny ignored him and continued to roll.

Penny saw a very high structure in the distance and a mad thought crossed his mind.

“I’m going to leap from that.”  He said to himself.

He was soo determined to make it to the structure that he gave no notice to the thousands of coins he passed on the way.  All of which would say something to the extent of “You can’t do that!”

Penny finally made it inside the structure and followed some PEOPLE into an elevator.  They looked down at him.  They then looked up.

“They don’t care.. I’m not worth noticing…. They probably regret putting forth the effort to look down at me.”

A few minutes later he heard a ding.  And it just happened to be the roof.  A person in overalls left the elevator and Penny followed.

He rolled over to the edge and looked upon the city.  He was soo high that he could not see the coins that lay about the ground.

Without any hesitation he rolled off the edge.

He fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell and fell… all the while thinking that he would put an end to his existence.

HE fell and fell and fell and fell and TSHT!!  He crashed straight into Bill Mahr who happened to be walking by the building. 

Penny had lodged himself into Bill Maher’s brain.. rendering him incapable of speech and robbing him of all his basic motor skills.

After Penny was removed from the head of Bill Maher he was placed in a glass display.  Word spread quickly, and all who heard fell in love with Penny.  Parades were thrown in his honor and it became well known that the accumulated value of all the coins on Earth could not match the value of Penny.  All currency across the world gave reverence to Penny and knew that they could never match what a single piece of “worthless” copper had achieved.

The End